He Said

Valentine's Day is a crock of doo-doo and you know it.  You mean to tell me that there's one day in the year that I need to show my undying devotion to the lady of my dreams?  No.  I do that every day.  Every stinking day.  Well, mostly on weekends when we see each other.  But there are the weeknight phone calls to keep the love alive (and to show how special those phone calls are, I keep missing my Monday night episodes of '24' and not minding).

Unless you are married, a complete jerk or a greeting card/flowers/chocolate/restaurant/lingere-slinger/hotelier, of all the "holidays" in the calendar year, Valentine's Day is the most pointless.  "Hey, baby -- let me show you how much I love you by buying you 12 red roses (it's apparently a fact that women don't like red roses) and cooking you dinner.  Then we can have extra special sex." Gag me.

How about my lazy ass just pays more attention to you the other 364 days of the year?  How about I stop thinking about your cellulite when you say we should go to the beach?  How about I slam the head off of the next guy that stares at your boobs (that's my job!)?

Being a nice guy, courteous, a gentlemen and protecting your honor all year round surely means more than a single day meant to sell gooey bon bons, right?

Tell me we can avoid the latest Channing Tatum turd at the movies, where he plays an ex-Chippendale's dancer who's now a soldier shipped off to Iraqistan to do battle with Cobra Commander, leaving behind the wincing blond ballerina who's going to dance, dance, dance (cue music) until he comes home in his uniform, small bandage over his right eye, and embraces her on the docks of the shipping yards during Magic Hour.

Valentine's Day has become The Day of Sacrifice for so many guys that is has been drained of all meaning, rendered pointless, sucked dry by female delusions of sparkling wimps in tall trees wearing ridiculous gray pea jackets.

If you want romance, kick Cupid to the curb and make it a priority all-year round.  Abolish the one day where it's fake, forced and futile, and make love and lust linger every damn day, even if it kills you.  After all, eventually the latest exploits of Jack Bauer will be available on DVD.  So you win either way.

Here now is my Alternative Valentine's Day Playlist. Download these songs, or forever be an automaton-droid marching to your consumerism doom!

Song	Artist	Purchase
Armslength	Moving Mountains
The Song I Swore To Never Sing	Moneen
Gotta Be Somebody's Blues	Jimmy Eat World
Running From The Rain	Thursday
The Words We Say	Straylight Run
Tired Of Sex	Weezer
...Slowdance On The Inside	Taking Back Sunday
The No Seatbelt Song	Brand New

She Said

It may sound like I’m a cynic but why a ‘special day’ to show someone that you love them? Show ‘em that you love ‘em everyday, not when Hallmark says so.

Honestly, I don’t like roses, I like lilies. Don’t get me no fancy box of chocolates. Mm-hmn. How about making me something you put your heart and soul into. Don’t give me some soulless gift that was put on the store shelf the day after New Year’s. Please! Or some slinky dental floss they call lingerie -- instruction manual NOT included.

You know what I hate? That corporations use Valentine’s Day as a cash cow because some poor sucker-fool forgot to get his girlfriend a gift and is terrified that she is going to rip him a new one. Let’s not forget how craptastic some singles feel when the month of Dread-ruary rolls around. We’ve all been there…the image of a drunken Bridget Jones singing ‘All by Myself’ comes to mind.

I guess being bombarded with fairy tales, and romantic movies doesn’t help either -- buzz on the playground is this girl was at the ball last night, left her glass slipper and now the Prince wants to marry her. By the way some random guy named Romeo will come by your balcony, professing his undying love for you after making eye contact for a whole 5 seconds. Really? Come on!

It seems like when Valentine’s Day approaches we forget why we love the person we do. Remember, love should be unconditional, so show the person and the people who you love how much you really care about them, not how much you can buy their love. Do something thoughtful not thoughtless.

For instance, maybe watch a football game with your BF instead of a romantic movie. Yes, it may not make any sense to you but he will appreciate not having to watch Julia Roberts’ groundbreaking portrayal of a hooker with a heart of gold. Maybe attempt to make your lover’s favourite dish. Or having 10 minutes of foreplay rather than 5. The point is love should not be expressed on only one day of the year but 365+ days of the year.